Work? Relationships? Oi.

So, after working 6 months at BFG as a contractor, they decided not to hire me full time. They did hire everyone else I was initially hired with, as well as those that came after me. (It's a pseudo class system, where contractors come on in groups, usually in 2 month periods). So all my peers now have benefits, bus passes, and bonuses. (Alliteration ftw).

The twist? I wasn't fired. So here I am, the only remaining contractor from my class of 10 people. And then an additional 10 people hired from the class after me. Now, that sounds like a small group, but when you see that all of this section is 80 people, thats around 25% of the work force. Anyhoo, its been difficult this past 2 weeks. The announcement was even more difficult when hearing in 1 on 1 meetings with my manager that I was "very likely" to be hired on.

Crushed is a good term. Thinking that I am doing a quality job, only to find that I am to be singled out on not being good enough. I know the two bosses that made the choice, and I will never forgive them. Not on a vendetta level of things, but its absurd to not even let me know AHEAD of time, that I won't be hired on. So then I don't feel even worse when everyone around me gets to go into the office and hear about getting perks.

It's like I'm loosing my grip. However, apparently I never had a grip, so I guess there is solace in that.

As far as relationships, it's been a new issue with the text format of communication. I was raised with IMing folks. She was not. And then, to add to the difficulty of conveying meaning, I am having a stressful time at work. Its a perfect storm of fucking up relationships.

I care about this job, in that it will be a reference for future employment. But as far as anything else, they can jump in front of a train. Never get a job where you have to deal with customers. Or higher-ups. So basically get born into a rich family.